Father’s Day Guest Post by Natureal Dad

Image © Natureal Mom

Ok. Honest Truth: When my wife asked if I would like to do a guest blog for Father’s Day, my first instinct was to roll my eyes. Is this how I am going to spend my morning? Writing a blog post? Seriously? It’s Father’s Day! Shouldn’t I be able to wake up when I want, watch the game, drink my favorite beer and just relax? I run my own business and I’m pretty much glued to a laptop or phone seven days a week. I’d rather be reading the Steve Jobs book that came in the mail yesterday. However, I’m going to briefly step out of my comfort zone this morning and write a little something. To me, part of striving to be a better father is being a better husband and I know how much this means to my wife, so here it goes! Maybe I’ll learn a little something too.

I don’t know who my biological father is. I was adopted at about 4 weeks of age by my parents and I only have a little bit of volunteered information about my biological parents’ background. I know that they were very young when they conceived me and like many teenage parents, were unprepared to care for a baby. My biological father was a drug addict and from what I can tell, not the most responsible individual. He disappeared after learning of the pregnancy and didn’t even show up to sign the adoption papers.

Whenever the topic of adoption comes up in conversation, I’m often asked if I have a desire to seek out my birth parents. I’ve now come to know several people who were adopted and have sought out their biological parents, all with different outcomes. Some favorable, some not. Of course there is always a little curious voice in my head that wonders what it would be like to meet them, but my answer is always a resounding “no.” I honestly have no desire to find them. Two strangers who may resemble me in looks, but not in spirit or values? What’s the point? My real Mom and Dad are the ones who showed me unconditional love and taught me the values of hard-work, loyalty, dedication and respect for other people.

I always speak to others about how amazing my Dad is and I probably don’t tell him enough how much I appreciate him or how much I feel blessed that the stars aligned the way they did. In my eyes, I only have one Dad. One amazing, incredible Dad.

When I was a kid, my dad worked very long hours as a construction worker. His commute was about an hour and a half each way so he would wake up around 4:30 in the morning, read the paper, have his coffee and hit the road. He worked a long, hard shift but would always come home in time for dinner. We ate every single dinner together as a family and my dad was always present with us. As tired as he’d be after a grueling day of manual labor, he always spent quality time with us and showed us his love and affection.

Dad was always a very “hands-on” type of father. On weekends, we’d go fishing or camping, or he’d be taking me to my soccer or baseball games, cheering me on (though I was always terrible at sports). He taught me how to drive a nail, use a grill, mow the lawn, throw a football, among countless other things. But thinking back now, it wasn’t “what” he taught me that has stuck with me all these years. It’s “how” he taught me. The love, patience, and attention he afforded me was what made all the difference and helped shape the man I am today.

But, times are changing. The type of family environment I grew up in is an anomaly in today’s American life. To make it today in this economy, both parents are working, and some Dads are working double-time just to make ends meet. It’s indeed a rapidly changing world where information, media and technology are king. The odds are stacked against our quality family time even more so than in our parent’s generation. It’s a problem when we pay more attention to our mobile devices than our kids and the stresses of daily life are breaking families apart. It just means we have to try even harder.

I know we can’t all be Super Dad 100% of the time. We all fall short. What we need to ask ourselves as Dads is “what really matters?” My Dad just knew what mattered when it came to raising me and my brother. To me, this Father’s Day isn’t going to be about me just sitting back, relaxing and being appreciated as a Dad. I’m always appreciated, whether I realize it or not. Today is about me appreciating my son, wife, parents and all of the blessings that come along with the privilege of being a Dad. If I can give my son even a fraction of the love and care my Dad showed me, I’ll be doing pretty good.

Mother’s Day Poem

Image © Natureal Mom & Christina Dely Photography

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as
living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the
infinite, and He bends you with His might that
His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He
Loves also the bow that is stable.

On Children, from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
First published in 1923

This poem has many profound messages and is a reminder that our children are who they are – their own unique seeds that already contain everything within them to thrive. As parents, it is our role to nourish their environment so that they can sprout, unfold and grow into their fullest potential and uncover their own special purpose.

Maternity photograph taken by Christina Dely Photography at the Hannah Carter Japanese Garden

The Family Dinner

There is great meaning in the simple daily ritual of gathering together for an evening meal. We have dinner together as a family almost every night. We have come to know a rhythm of preparing the meal, setting the table, taking a moment of blessings and gratitude, connecting, eating and cleaning up together.

We don’t have a yard with our own garden yet but every Sunday we walk to the local farmer’s market and gather fresh seasonal and organic fruits, vegetables and herbs that will be used to prepare wholesome, nourishing meals throughout the week.

Natureal Dad & Natureal Baby ~ 2011

We eat close to the earth keeping away from highly processed, genetically modified or overly sweetened foods. Our meals are simple yet flavorful and consist of different kinds of grains, legumes, colorful fruits and vegetables. We prepare lots of soups, stews and salads.

Local Farmers Market

Our child is still very young but he takes part in the process by helping to soak beans, rinse vegetables and dry dishes. A personally cherished part of our mealtime tradition is setting a beautiful table. The table is usually covered with one of my grandmother’s tablecloths that have been passed down to me. Fresh flowers are displayed and seasonal touches are added like leaves, branches, acorns, flowers, pinecones and berries. Handcrafted cherry wood plates, bowls, cutlery, and cloth napkins are set for each meal. A candle is lit to bring reverence to a special time as we all sit in one space together as a family. After the plates are rinsed, we occasionally take a moment to apply an all-natural beeswax polish with jojoba oil to seal each wooden piece.

In our home, we start the meal by holding hands to form unity and say a blessing over our food. After the blessing is said we take a moment to be grateful for each other and the earth from which our food comes. During the meal we exchange our thoughts, share experiences and things learned. We choose not to have adult conversation at the dinner table. The mood is relaxed, light and loving. We also do not watch television, answer the phone, check emails, texts or allow other intrusions during this sacred time. On Friday evenings, we welcome Shabbat (Sabbath) and add special candles, wine and challah (braided egg bread) to the meal and recite special blessings and sing songs.

Studies have also shown many benefits for families that eat together. Kids are more likely to do well in their studies, have good social skills, eat more fruits and vegetables, build their vocabularies, and are less likely to engage in destructive behaviors, suffer from depression or develop eating disorders. Another study found that mothers who put in long hours on the job reported less stress, strain and conflict if they were able to make it home in time for dinner.

Family meals cultivate warmth, security and a sense of belonging. May your meal time with your family be met with beauty, love and togetherness. ♥