Discover Your Meditation Style

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Image credit: universal-wanderer.tumblr.com

Meditation is a simple way to relax, relieve stress, boost your immune system, and create more balance and happiness in your life. The method of meditation you choose is not as important as achieving the desired result ~ a quiet mind to promote inner peace and relaxation. If you’re not very familiar with meditation, here are a few different styles:

General Meditation.  Find a quiet place and time when you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes and clear your mind of any thoughts. Sit like this, attempting to eliminate all thoughts and experience total peace. If you have never meditated before, consider starting your meditations in intervals of five minutes. When you feel comfortable, increase your intervals to ten minutes, and continue like this until you feel a length of time that suits you.

Focused/Conscious Breathing.  Focused breathing is another popular, yet simple, meditation. As in general meditation, find a quiet time and place where you won’t be disturbed. Close your eyes and clear your mind of any thoughts. From there, focus on your breathing. Focus on the in-breath, and the out-breath. This is also commonly known as conscious breathing, because as opposed to our normal breathing which we do not focus on or attempt to control, “focused breathing” is consciously monitored and controlled. By focusing on your breath, you draw your attention to that, and eliminate random thoughts, which creates a feeling of inner peace. To help focus on their breath, people will often draw their attention to the air entering their nose and leaving their mouth. You can similarly draw your attention to the rising and falling of your chest. As for controlling the pace of your breath, some people count a certain number of seconds between each breath and attempt to maintain this slow, rhythmic, controlled pace.

Visualization.  Visualization can be used to achieve a variety of results. One simple visualization is to first quiet yourself and begin as you would in general meditation or focused breathing, then visualize yourself inhaling healing white or golden light, and exhaling gray, stale, old energy. The white or golden light represents new, fresh, rejuvenating energy, while the gray energy represents any stress, anxiety, unhappiness, worries, anger, or other negative emotions you may be holding inside of you. If you have a specific ailment you are trying to relieve yourself of, visualize the same white or golden energy surrounding the area of your body which is in need of healing. Focus on that white or golden light healing and energizing the afflicted area of your body.

Transcendental Meditation.  There is much to be said about Transcendental meditation, but I will just cover it briefly here, as there are many sources of information on this topic. Transcendental meditation uses a mantra (a word or phrase which is repeated throughout the duration of the meditation) to focus oneself on that one word or phrase, thereby allowing all random throughts to be released. To begin, prepare yourself as you would doing any of the other meditations listed here, then find a mantra which feels good to you and repeat it either  out loud or silently.

Yoga.  The word “yoga” is derived from the Sanskrit word ”yuj,” which means ”to unify.” Although many people think this refers to the union between the mind and body or mind and spirit, the traditional acceptance is union between the Jivatman and Paramatman, that is between one’s individual consciousness and the Universal Consciousness. Therefore Yoga refers to a certain state of consciousness as well as to methods that help one reach that goal or state of union with the divine. Yoga increases strength and flexibility, improves circulation, promotes well-being, and provides relief for common postural and chronic pain problems. Anyone can practice yoga. Each individual works within her/his own level of comfort listening to their own body’s messages. One comes away feeling energized, rejuvenated and at peace.

Tai Chi.  Tai Chi is a Chinese martial art that is primarily practiced for its health benefits, including a means for dealing with tension and stress. Among the martial arts, there are two basic types: the “hard” martial arts such as karate and kung fu and the “soft” or “internal” martial arts such as ba gua and tai chi. Tai Chi emphasizes complete relaxation, and is essentially a form of meditation, or what has been called “meditation in motion” as it is characterized by soft, slow, flowing movements that emphasize force, rather than brute strength. Though it is soft, slow, and flowing, the movements are executed precisely.

 

10 Ways to Strengthen Your Relationships

Image © Natureal Mom 2005

My husband and I celebrated 7 years of marriage this week. Like most couples, we have been through ups and downs, highs and lows. We have come to appreciate the more painful and challenging times as they have  provided invaluable opportunities to grow individually and as a couple.

Marriage and all relationships take a great deal of hard work but they are worth every drop of love and effort that is put into them. I’m by no means a relationship expert, but by learning and applying some basic spiritual principles, the entire course of our marriage has changed for the better. Here are 10 simple tips you can start practicing today!

  1. Communicate.  Be careful how you use (or don’t use) your words.  This is especially tough for me as a Sagittarius! Although I’m usually well-intentioned, I have a tendency to put my foot sometimes. I’m getting better at choosing my words more wisely and speaking simply and from the heart. Silence is also very powerful – it can either hurt or heal depending on how it is used. At times, my husband keeps things bottled up inside and holds back from sharing his emotions with loved ones. He has learned that by communicating and expressing how he feels, people can grow closer together. Remember, each time you speak (or don’t), you have the opportunity to strengthen your relationship or damage it.
  2. Pause.  Sometimes it’s difficult to stop and think about what you are saying when emotions are running wild. In these instances, take some time to process your feelings. Tell your loved one that you need some space and assure him or her that you will come back. Return with a conscious intention to speak calmly with an open mind and softer heart.
  3. Empathetic listening.  Sometimes we think we are listening, when really we are listening to ourselves… what we are going to  say next or how to counter the other persons arguments. Try setting aside your own story and really listen to what the other person is saying and not just what you are hearing. Imagine how this person feels in his or her shoes without making it about you.
  4. Take responsibility.  Instead of focusing on your partners faults or being defensive, recognize how your own words and actions could be causing or perpetuating the situation. I find it helpful to ask myself, “What am I doing to make this situation worse?” and “What can I do to make it better?” Resolve to change the only thing you can change –  your reaction.
  5. Benefit of the doubt.  Although most of us are capable of intentionally saying or doing mean-spirited things to hurt the ones we love when we are upset, conflict is rarely the result of malicious intent. In these instances, acknowledge and communicate your hurt to your partner, but remember a vicious crime wasn’t committed toward you. Instead, see the innate goodness in your partner instead of vilifying him or her.
  6. Let go of being right.  You might be convinced that your perspective is right or have difficulty understanding someone else’s view. Be open to seeing how the other person could also have a valid point  and create room for his or her feelings to co-exist alongside your own without insisting that they are wrong. A spiritual teacher once asked, “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” It’s not a contest of who’s right or wrong –  the goal is for both of you to feel loved, respected and valued.
  7. Forgiveness.  Being human means you will make mistakes – as a partner, friend, child, parent, or any other role you’ll take on in life. This goes the same for the people in your life. Forgive your own mistakes and imperfections, and those of the people around you… and move on.
  8. Continual nourishment.  In order to grow and to flourish, relationships need to be nourished on a regular basis. My husband and I make a point to set some time aside with no distractions. This is not a time to discuss work or problem-solve, but a time to renew and develop our relationship. Taking time to compliment one another, being generous with affection, giving a simple or thoughtful gift, doing an act of kindness and lavishing appreciation are all ways to nourish your relationships.
  9. Be a team.  Yin and Yang are defined as opposite but complementary forces that combine to form harmony. Similarly, people have different strengths and abilities. When combined and partnering together as a team, we can do great things! Remember you are on the same team. My husband and I chose a favorite quote by the Baal Shem Tov for our ketuba (Jewish marriage contract) which serves as a wonderful reminder. “From every human being there rises a light that reaches straight to heaven, and when two souls that are destined to be together find each other, the streams of light flow together and a single brighter light goes forth from that united being.”
  10. Give for the sake of giving.  Try going against your nature and really let go of the expectation that your partner is someone who is there to make you happy and instead focus on truly giving/serving/sharing/meeting your partner’s needs instead. You’ll be amazed at the results!

What tips do you have for creating stronger relationships?  Please share by commenting below!

Your Own Song

A woman in my local Holistic Mom’s Network chapter shared a beautiful story about how a certain African tribe comes together and uses song to remind us of who we really are. Touching my heart with inspiring words of wisdom, I share this story with you.

There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is not counted on the day of his birth or when he was conceived, but on the day he was a thought in his mother’s mind.

She would go out into the wilderness and sit under a tree and listen until she heard the song of the child, for every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique purpose. She would then return to the tribe and teach it to the midwives and older women in the village who would also sing the child’s song.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the union hears their song. Finally, when the his or her soul is about to pass from this world, the community gathers again, just as they did at his or her birth, to sing the soul into the next life.

There is one other occasion upon which the village would sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around him or her and sing the song.

The tribe recognizes that the correction for negative behavior is not punishment, but rather love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire to do anything that would hurt yourself or another.

We all have times in our life when we get off course and lose sight of who we are.  The essence of who we truly are is often hidden by our perceived limitations, mistakes, insecurities and fears. We all have a unique melody that we came into this world to express, and when we’ve forgotten the words to our song, our friends, family and community are there to sing it back to us!

 

Mother’s Day Poem

Image © Natureal Mom & Christina Dely Photography

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as
living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the
infinite, and He bends you with His might that
His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He
Loves also the bow that is stable.

On Children, from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
First published in 1923

This poem has many profound messages and is a reminder that our children are who they are – their own unique seeds that already contain everything within them to thrive. As parents, it is our role to nourish their environment so that they can sprout, unfold and grow into their fullest potential and uncover their own special purpose.

Maternity photograph taken by Christina Dely Photography at the Hannah Carter Japanese Garden