baby blues

“Absorb” by Katie m. Berggren

A deep heartfelt thank you to all my wonderful mama friends for contributing to this post by sharing your personal experiences and sage advice for new mothers and mothers-to-be ♥

Listen, and look into the eyes of your child. He or she will tell you what they need.
Consider joining a new mothers group and/or breastfeeding support group like La Leche League. It is a place to find understanding, sisterhood, knowledge and support. Together you can problem-solve and share the wisdom that you collectively have as mothers of newborns.
You may not bond with your baby immediately, but it’s okay.
Your mood affects your baby’s mood. If you’re feeling anxious, stressed or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to breathe and reset your energy.
Nobody knows your child the way you do. Trust yourself always & your instincts.
When my babe has a meltdown, stepping outside for some fresh air makes everything alright in his world.
Breastfeeding can be a learned art and doesn’t always just happen. It may take some effort but is mutually beneficial in so many ways. The bonding time is absolutely priceless, and truly a moment to treasure. If it is something you desire, don’t give up without getting help and support.
Have fun with your kids, laugh with them, make memories. Children remember having fun more than they remember having things. When they’re older, they will look back and remember fun things you did together, not the expensive parties, designer clothes or fancy toys they had.
You WILL mess up. It’s OK. There is no such thing as the perfect parent.
Don’t be too dogmatic towards any one direction. I learned the most important thing is being open and going with the flow.
Take a ton of pictures. They really, truly grow up way too fast & you’ll be so happy with all the seemingly redundant, interesting-to-no-one-else-but-you pictures.
Above all else, you and your baby are the most important concern ~ be together, sleep together, look at each other, snuggle skin to skin, enjoy each other.
Be okay with saying “this is what works for us” when folks give their advice on how you should change or do things their way. Listen to all the advice but only do what you feel is best for your family.
Ask for help and accept it when it’s offered – whatever it is, lactation consultant, asking for someone to bring meals (check out Meal Baby), letting messes pile up, hiring someone if you can, etc. It’s okay not to be able to do it all. When they say it takes a village, sometimes it literally does.
I learned not to be judgmental of other mom’s parenting choices and not letting judgy moms affect my choices.
Take photos, get their feet and hand printed and make notes in a book for your babe ~ little letters are good. Don’t stress over having a perfect scrap book, something is better than nothing.
Find a special song to sing to your little one.
When something seems fishy, don’t necessarily Google it! You might be freaked out more than necessary.
If you have a partner, it’s so important to get them involved straight away. It’s easy to feel left out and insignificant at this stage. Get them to help with bathing, changing diapers, swaddling, and feeding if that applies. Make a point of encouraging them – tell them they’re doing a great job, even if you might have done a better job with the diaper!
I had post-partum depression, and I had no idea. I wish I had been better informed about what needs attention. The women in my community encouraged me to get help and I went to a wonderful homeopath and could not believe how much better I was after she began to treat me.
It’s easy to really let yourself go and difficult for a lot of women to “get your mojo back.” Don’t be so hard on yourself. There must be forgiveness and balance with all of it.
Just when you think you got your kids figured out, they move on to the next thing. I mastered diapers and now my daughter is onto pull-ups. Or I found the right way to swaddle and now my son is rolling over and can’t be swaddled anymore.
Everyone says this one for a reason… sleep when the baby sleeps!
To keep your relationship strong when two become three, I would say this: Be gentle with each other. Be patient. Recognize that parenting really is a full-time job, and work out between you how you can work together and share the load.
Take care of yourself. We get so busy taking care of our tiny, precious one that we sometimes forget about ourselves. Make sure you are eating well and drinking enough water.
It’s okay to not get everything done in one day like you used to prior to having baby. Chores and errands can wait.
Do something nice for yourself every single day.
Be the person you want your children to be…because they are always watching.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can.
Kiss & hug them as much as you can. Savor every single moment possible. It goes by far too fast.

Do you have some words of wisdom to share? Please add to the list by commenting below!

Peace Within © Katie m. Berggren

“Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.” - Barbara Katz Rothman

♦♦♦

I believe that for women to feel good about our pregnancies and birth experiences, we should be prepared, well-informed, supported and surrounded with positivity. Although there is a lot about the labor and birthing process that we cannot predict or control, we can empower ourselves by choosing baby and mother-friendly care providers, support teams, and hospitals, birth centers or home birth services; knowing our options, being involved and supported in the decision-making process, and trusting in our ability to birth, which will enable us to become confident and nurturing mothers.

Care Provider

Whether it is an obstetrician or midwife that practices in a hospital, birth center or home, it is imperative that mama-to-be feels safe and trusts her care provider. This is one of the most important decisions During labor and birth, the care provider will ultimately make all final decisions about both mother and baby’s health and safety. Routine visits should not be rushed and there should be plenty of time to ask questions, discuss options and communicate preferences. Mother-to-be should be treated with care, kindness and respect and encouraged in her ability to birth and mother.

Birth Doula

Birth doulas are experienced and trained professionals who understand the physiology of birth and the emotional and physical needs of a woman in labor. A birth doula provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support before, during and just after birth. She perceives her role as nurturing and recognizes birth as a key experience the mother will remember throughout her life. A doula’s role changes, depending on the needs of the woman and her partner. Doulas can encourage the partner to become involved in the birth to the extent he or she feels comfortable by demonstrating effective techniques that can be used by the partner during each stage of labor, offering reassurance about the normal progress of labor, and/or allowing the partner the freedom to simply be present with the mother and love her. When making decisions about the course of labor, the doula can hold space for the couple and instill clarity and confidence by drawing upon information shared at a prenatal visit regarding their birth wishes. She can offer an objective viewpoint and facilitate communication between the laboring woman, her partner, and care providers as needed to help get information that will allow the woman and her partner to make consented decisions. Studies have shown that by hiring a doula, unnecessary medical interventions are decreased, thereby improving birth satisfaction.

Place of Birth

The location and environment of the birth will greatly impact how a woman feels in labor. The most common options are at a hospital, birth center or at home. Hospitals and birth centers vary in policies and protocols so it is important to take a tour, meet the staff and bring a list of questions. For hospital births, questions might be about the labor and birthing environment, routine newborn care, if the hospital is part of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative, what their intervention rates are, who is allowed in the operating room if a surgical birth becomes necessary, etc. For home births, there are specific questions that are important when interviewing midwives, such as how many clients they take a month, who the back-up care provider is, what the transfer rate is, and how it is handled if two people are in labor at the same time. Remember, one option is not necessarily better than the other. Women birth best where they feel safest and most at ease.

Childbirth & Breastfeeding Classes

There is a tremendous amount of information available about birth. While it is important to do research, read books and hire a good birth team, it does not replace a good childbirth education class. My husband and I really looked forward to our weekly class and viewed it as a fun, interactive and social experience. We fully utilized that time that was set aside to ask questions, discuss our concerns and reflect. We learned a lot about ourselves and each other and bonded with other expecting mothers and partners. Although childbirth classes cover breastfeeding basics, attending a prenatal breastfeeding class can help you better prepare for and understand how breastfeeding works which will get you off to a good start.

Nourishment

Nourishment is important not only physically but also spiritually and emotionally. Pregnant women need to enjoy this sacred time in their lives and surround themselves with goodness, calm and beauty. I loved taking outdoor walks during my pregnancy, listening to soothing music, immersing in the mikveh or ocean, preparing wholesome and nutritious meals, getting non-toxic pedicures, prenatal massages and chiropractic care, and spending time with uplifting friends and family. Some women enjoy prenatal yoga, dance and other activities. One thing worth mentioning is that people love to share tips and advice with a pregnant woman and although some information may be useful, expecting mamas should try to avoid negative stories and disengage from negative thoughts, conversations and behaviors in general.

Confidence in Birthing

Women have been birthing babies for thousands of years. Physically, we can do it. The majority of childbirth lies in our mental space. Our minds tell our bodies what to do and they need to work together. In order to relax during labor and childbirth we need to put our busy minds to rest, trust in ourselves, trust the process, tap into our body’s ancient wisdom, and let go. Finding some quiet time to breathe, being present and focusing on your inner strength are great ways to prepare. You can also try this little experiment and get a glimpse into what our minds can do!

Protecting the Birth

My husband and I wanted to create an atmosphere of reverence for everything happening in the first moments after the birth of our child. It was important to us that the time of his birth and the following hour (known as the Golden Hour) were protected by keeping things warm, calm, quiet and private. Even if there are medical things to attend to, the energy and mood can be kept calm with gentle voices and low lighting.

Breastfeeding & Lactation Support

Although the breastfeeding process is instinctive, it can be challenging and seeking help early is important. La Leche League International is a wonderful place for mother-to-mother support groups. Support group leaders are volunteers who have breastfed their own babies and have been trained in basic breastfeeding management. Leaders do not generally do home visits, though they volunteer to answer phone calls. If you cannot get to a La Leche League meeting, private home or office visits with a Lactation Counselor or Consultant can be essential and may be covered by your health insurance. I was able to overcome breastfeeding challenges with the continued help and support of lactation professionals, which inspired me to become a certified Lactation Educator and Counselor. I am passionate about helping other women to achieve their breastfeeding goals.

Postpartum Support & the Fourth Trimester

New mothers need sleep and rest which is hard to come by with a newborn. They also need guidance, help, company and support from family and friends, especially in the first weeks after birth. It is important to make sure that people know their job is to help take care of the new mama and the house so she can tend to herr baby and not the other way around. Postpartum doulas can be of tremendous help offering education, companionship and non-judgmental support during the postpartum fourth trimester. She assists with newborn care, eases the transition that comes with the addition of a baby to a family, meal preparation and light household tidying. She also offers information and support with infant feeding, helps with emotional and physical recovery from birth, infant soothing, and coping skills for new parents.

The Baby Blues & Postpartum Depression

A woman’s body undergoes significant changes during pregnancy and childbirth. Hormonal changes, the physical and emotional experience of birth, lack of sleep, and the new responsibility of parenting can be overwhelming. It is very common for new mothers to be more sensitive and emotional for days or weeks and some mothers don’t experience it until months later. The “baby blues” is a common occurrence and there are varying degrees of intensity. More extreme cases could be postpartum depression and should be followed by a health care provider. It is important to know that there is help and support to recover and come back into balance.

Heightened Sensitivity

A heightened sensitivity and feeling of being overwhelmed is also common and can be related to The Baby Blues and PPD, but not necessarily. I came across this personal thought in the weeks after the birth of my son which I found to be very insightful.

Something occurred to me in the first days after the birth of my first child. I had an extreme sensitivity to thoughts and words: I felt intense gratitude, but I also had a heightened awareness of everything and everyone surrounding the baby, of people’s words and moods, of sounds and light, temperature and textures, and I was feeling so very vulnerable, teary and raw. Then, looking at my little newborn, it dawned on me that I was in an emotional state that somewhat resembled her physical and emotional reality. She was entirely a sense organ of touch, taste, smell, hearing and sight, and was completely defenseless against the sensory onslaught of the outer world. It suddenly seemed to me as though the emotional space I found myself in was giving me a natural insight into the baby’s reality and sensitivities, if I could turn my attention to it. It made me smile, that yet another thing we often consider inconvenient, or as something we just have to go through, in the whole birth process may really have an undiscovered purpose that nature intended.

♥♥♥

These are simple ways to help create a positive and fulfilling birth experience. Each woman, birth experience and baby is completely unique so it is good to be open and embrace the unknown with preparation, confidence, certainty, safety and support.

If you are in the Los Angeles or surrounding areas and are interested in Childbirth Classes, Birth Doula Services, Breastfeeding Classes or Counseling you may contact me here.