Parenting

Mama to Mama: Words of Wisdom for New Mothers

July 21, 2012 by Natureal Mom 6 Comments

“Absorb” by Katie m. Berggren

A deep heartfelt thank you to all my wonderful mama friends for contributing to this post by sharing your personal experiences and sage advice for new mothers and mothers-to-be ♥

Listen, and look into the eyes of your child. He or she will tell you what they need.
Consider joining a new mothers group and/or breastfeeding support group like La Leche League. It is a place to find understanding, sisterhood, knowledge and support. Together you can problem-solve and share the wisdom that you collectively have as mothers of newborns.
You may not bond with your baby immediately, but it’s okay.
Your mood affects your baby’s mood. If you’re feeling anxious, stressed or overwhelmed, take a few minutes to breathe and reset your energy.
Nobody knows your child the way you do. Trust yourself always & your instincts.
When my babe has a meltdown, stepping outside for some fresh air makes everything alright in his world.
Breastfeeding can be a learned art and doesn’t always just happen. It may take some effort but is mutually beneficial in so many ways. The bonding time is absolutely priceless, and truly a moment to treasure. If it is something you desire, don’t give up without getting help and support.
Have fun with your kids, laugh with them, make memories. Children remember having fun more than they remember having things. When they’re older, they will look back and remember fun things you did together, not the expensive parties, designer clothes or fancy toys they had.
You WILL mess up. It’s OK. There is no such thing as the perfect parent.
Don’t be too dogmatic towards any one direction. I learned the most important thing is being open and going with the flow.
Take a ton of pictures. They really, truly grow up way too fast & you’ll be so happy with all the seemingly redundant, interesting-to-no-one-else-but-you pictures.
Above all else, you and your baby are the most important concern ~ be together, sleep together, look at each other, snuggle skin to skin, enjoy each other.
Be okay with saying “this is what works for us” when folks give their advice on how you should change or do things their way. Listen to all the advice but only do what you feel is best for your family.
Ask for help and accept it when it’s offered – whatever it is, lactation consultant, asking for someone to bring meals (check out Meal Baby), letting messes pile up, hiring someone if you can, etc. It’s okay not to be able to do it all. When they say it takes a village, sometimes it literally does.
I learned not to be judgmental of other mom’s parenting choices and not letting judgy moms affect my choices.
Take photos, get their feet and hand printed and make notes in a book for your babe ~ little letters are good. Don’t stress over having a perfect scrap book, something is better than nothing.
Find a special song to sing to your little one.
When something seems fishy, don’t necessarily Google it! You might be freaked out more than necessary.
If you have a partner, it’s so important to get them involved straight away. It’s easy to feel left out and insignificant at this stage. Get them to help with bathing, changing diapers, swaddling, and feeding if that applies. Make a point of encouraging them – tell them they’re doing a great job, even if you might have done a better job with the diaper!
I had post-partum depression, and I had no idea. I wish I had been better informed about what needs attention. The women in my community encouraged me to get help and I went to a wonderful homeopath and could not believe how much better I was after she began to treat me.
It’s easy to really let yourself go and difficult for a lot of women to “get your mojo back.” Don’t be so hard on yourself. There must be forgiveness and balance with all of it.
Just when you think you got your kids figured out, they move on to the next thing. I mastered diapers and now my daughter is onto pull-ups. Or I found the right way to swaddle and now my son is rolling over and can’t be swaddled anymore.
Everyone says this one for a reason… sleep when the baby sleeps!
To keep your relationship strong when two become three, I would say this: Be gentle with each other. Be patient. Recognize that parenting really is a full-time job, and work out between you how you can work together and share the load.
Take care of yourself. We get so busy taking care of our tiny, precious one that we sometimes forget about ourselves. Make sure you are eating well and drinking enough water.
It’s okay to not get everything done in one day like you used to prior to having baby. Chores and errands can wait.
Do something nice for yourself every single day.
Be the person you want your children to be…because they are always watching.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can.
Kiss & hug them as much as you can. Savor every single moment possible. It goes by far too fast.

Do you have some words of wisdom to share? Please add to the list by commenting below!

Filed Under: Baby + Kids, Community, Connecting, Parenting, Pregnancy + Birth, Uncategorized Tagged With: baby blues, balance, bonding with baby, breastfeeding, intuition, life lessons, memories, motherhood, Parenting, post-partum depression, unconditional love, wisdom

Your Own Song

July 19, 2012 by Natureal Mom Comments

A woman in my local Holistic Mom’s Network chapter shared a beautiful story about how a certain African tribe comes together and uses song to remind us of who we really are. Touching my heart with inspiring words of wisdom, I share this story with you.

There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is not counted on the day of his birth or when he was conceived, but on the day he was a thought in his mother’s mind.

She would go out into the wilderness and sit under a tree and listen until she heard the song of the child, for every soul has its own vibration that expresses its unique purpose. She would then return to the tribe and teach it to the midwives and older women in the village who would also sing the child’s song.

When the child is born, the community gathers and sings the child’s song to him or her. Later, when the child enters education, the village gathers and chants the child’s song. When the child passes through the initiation to adulthood, the people again come together and sing. At the time of marriage, the union hears their song. Finally, when the his or her soul is about to pass from this world, the community gathers again, just as they did at his or her birth, to sing the soul into the next life.

There is one other occasion upon which the village would sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around him or her and sing the song.

The tribe recognizes that the correction for negative behavior is not punishment, but rather love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire to do anything that would hurt yourself or another.

We all have times in our life when we get off course and lose sight of who we are. The essence of who we truly are is often hidden by our perceived limitations, mistakes, insecurities and fears. We all have a unique melody that we came into this world to express, and when we’ve forgotten the words to our song, our friends, family and community are there to sing it back to us!

Filed Under: Baby + Kids, Community, Connecting, Inspiration, Parenting, Pregnancy + Birth, Spirituality Tagged With: birth, Children, community, conscious parenting, identity, inspiration, life lessons, motherhood, Parenting, spirituality, tradition

Father’s Day Guest Post by Natureal Dad

June 17, 2012 by Natureal Dad 4 Comments

Image © Natureal Mom

Ok. Honest Truth: When my wife asked if I would like to do a guest blog for Father’s Day, my first instinct was to roll my eyes. Is this how I am going to spend my morning? Writing a blog post? Seriously? It’s Father’s Day! Shouldn’t I be able to wake up when I want, watch the game, drink my favorite beer and just relax? I run my own business and I’m pretty much glued to a laptop or phone seven days a week. I’d rather be reading the Steve Jobs book that came in the mail yesterday. However, I’m going to briefly step out of my comfort zone this morning and write a little something. To me, part of striving to be a better father is being a better husband and I know how much this means to my wife, so here it goes! Maybe I’ll learn a little something too.

I don’t know who my biological father is. I was adopted at about 4 weeks of age by my parents and I only have a little bit of volunteered information about my biological parents’ background. I know that they were very young when they conceived me and like many teenage parents, were unprepared to care for a baby. My biological father was a drug addict and from what I can tell, not the most responsible individual. He disappeared after learning of the pregnancy and didn’t even show up to sign the adoption papers.

Whenever the topic of adoption comes up in conversation, I’m often asked if I have a desire to seek out my birth parents. I’ve now come to know several people who were adopted and have sought out their biological parents, all with different outcomes. Some favorable, some not. Of course there is always a little curious voice in my head that wonders what it would be like to meet them, but my answer is always a resounding “no.” I honestly have no desire to find them. Two strangers who may resemble me in looks, but not in spirit or values? What’s the point? My real Mom and Dad are the ones who showed me unconditional love and taught me the values of hard-work, loyalty, dedication and respect for other people.

I always speak to others about how amazing my Dad is and I probably don’t tell him enough how much I appreciate him or how much I feel blessed that the stars aligned the way they did. In my eyes, I only have one Dad. One amazing, incredible Dad.

When I was a kid, my dad worked very long hours as a construction worker. His commute was about an hour and a half each way so he would wake up around 4:30 in the morning, read the paper, have his coffee and hit the road. He worked a long, hard shift but would always come home in time for dinner. We ate every single dinner together as a family and my dad was always present with us. As tired as he’d be after a grueling day of manual labor, he always spent quality time with us and showed us his love and affection.

Dad was always a very “hands-on” type of father. On weekends, we’d go fishing or camping, or he’d be taking me to my soccer or baseball games, cheering me on (though I was always terrible at sports). He taught me how to drive a nail, use a grill, mow the lawn, throw a football, among countless other things. But thinking back now, it wasn’t “what” he taught me that has stuck with me all these years. It’s “how” he taught me. The love, patience, and attention he afforded me was what made all the difference and helped shape the man I am today.

But, times are changing. The type of family environment I grew up in is an anomaly in today’s American life. To make it today in this economy, both parents are working, and some Dads are working double-time just to make ends meet. It’s indeed a rapidly changing world where information, media and technology are king. The odds are stacked against our quality family time even more so than in our parent’s generation. It’s a problem when we pay more attention to our mobile devices than our kids and the stresses of daily life are breaking families apart. It just means we have to try even harder.

I know we can’t all be Super Dad 100% of the time. We all fall short. What we need to ask ourselves as Dads is “what really matters?” My Dad just knew what mattered when it came to raising me and my brother. To me, this Father’s Day isn’t going to be about me just sitting back, relaxing and being appreciated as a Dad. I’m always appreciated, whether I realize it or not. Today is about me appreciating my son, wife, parents and all of the blessings that come along with the privilege of being a Dad. If I can give my son even a fraction of the love and care my Dad showed me, I’ll be doing pretty good.

Filed Under: Baby + Kids, Family, Parenting Tagged With: adoption, attachment parenting, conscious parenting, Fatherhood, gentle parenting, life lessons, Parenting

Mother’s Day Poem

May 13, 2012 by Natureal Mom Comments

Image © Natureal Mom & Christina Dely Photography

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as
living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the
infinite, and He bends you with His might that
His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He
Loves also the bow that is stable.

On Children, from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran
First published in 1923

This poem has many profound messages and is a reminder that our children are who they are – their own unique seeds that already contain everything within them to thrive. As parents, it is our role to nourish their environment so that they can sprout, unfold and grow into their fullest potential and uncover their own special purpose.

Maternity photograph taken by Christina Dely Photography at the Hannah Carter Japanese Garden

Filed Under: Baby + Kids, Connecting, Family, Inspiration, Parenting, Spirituality Tagged With: Children, enlightenment, inspiration, life lessons, Parenting, philosophy, poetry, spirituality

5 Lessons

December 21, 2011 by Natureal Mom Comments

A year ago today we welcomed our sweet baby boy into the world. He has brought a renewed sense of purpose to my life and has shown me the true meaning of unconditional love. In honor of his first birthday, I would like to share five meaningful lessons my son has taught me.

1. BE SIMPLE. Children live in the present moment without thinking, they just feel. They are free from tension, anxiety, stress and fear. They don’t worry about making mistakes or what other people think. They have a sense of wonder and pure joy. They create without abandon and lose themselves in play. My babe has found joy in tasting new foods, splishing and splashing around in the bath, exploring natural objects and toys, banging on drums, grooving to music and making silly faces. He has taught me how to be more simple, relaxed and care-free.

2. TRUST YOURSELF. I learned early on in my pregnancy to trust my intuition, follow my instincts and be an advocate for my health and well-being. With that comes freedom, self-empowerment and confidence. This really blossomed in my first year as a mother. There are so many parenting books, philosophies and styles and well-intentioned people who want to be helpful by giving clothes, toys, and advice on child-rearing. I’m not saying I don’t read any books or listen to opinions but I ultimately have to trust myself and make decisions based on what feels right to me and from my knowledge of my own child.

3. IT’S OKAY TO CRY. Every time my little guy smiles or bursts out in laughter I can’t help but to smile and giggle back. But when he is unhappy (usually when I pull him off of one of our dogs) he will throw his head back, let out a cry and tears will flow from his big eyes. His smile is a reminder that I can find joy in the small things, but his cry is also a reminder that sometimes I need to free up my own tears when I am upset or hurt. It is good to find the joy in life, but it is equally important to acknowledge the pain that is inevitable in order to move past it.

4. BE OBSERVANT. From the moment our little one came into this world his eyes have been full of wonder. You can almost see the wheels turning in his inquisitive mind. He studies people’s faces, picking up on their energies and moods and points at birds, flowers and squirrels when we go for walks. The observant way in which he lives his life reminds me of the importance of not getting caught up in everyday nuances and paying attention to the world around me, a world full of beauty, diversity and possibility. It is a truly wondrous place with miracles happening at every moment.

5. TIME IS PRECIOUS. My parent friends and I constantly marvel at “how quickly the time passes.” My son and the changes he’s experienced in his one year of existence in this realm remind me of the capability of people to significantly grow in every aspect over the years of a lifetime. I am reminded of the importance to cherish, respect and fully utilize that time.